Teenage Retirement

by Chumped

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1.
Snow falls outside the bar window. I know I should be getting home. It's hard to walk away sometimes. Guess I could always change my mind. This is not that hard. You're doing great. You're doing fine. Just wake up. December is the longest month and you've got 30 days to blow. Just need some time to be alone. Just let me go. Just let me go. I'm sorry that I bought your birthday card. And left it home unopened and unmarked. I had so many things I want to say. Instead I'll help myself to more champagne. This is not that hard. You're doing great. You're doing fine. Just wake up. December is the longest month and you've got 30 days to blow. Just need some time to be alone. Just let me go. Just let me go. I know I should be getting home.
2.
We’re reading books. We’re drinking coffee. I’m looking at you. You’re looking through me. I would wait for you all summer. You would turn me away. I would wait for you all summer. I see you stare. I watch you whisper in her ear about the things that I can’t be but does she love you like I love you? I would wait for you all summer. You would turn me away. I would wait for you all summer.
3.
Coffee 02:23
I know you said I was over my head but how else could I have I found my way back here after all this time? Waking up for the sunrise, I can’t believe what I can talk myself into or what I can sleep through And I’ve been looking for a place to hide (hide) and let it all blow over in the meantime will you meet me afterwards I want to know (I want to know) cuz I’ve been feeling I’m at the end of my rope A waste of energy To stave off monotony an exercise in learning something new. Well write it all down in a notebook, carefully so you can see A simple twist of fate but don’t think twice, it’s alright And I’ve been looking for a place to hide (hide) and let it all blow over in the meantime will you meet me afterwards I want to know (I want to know) cuz I’ve been feeling I’m at the end of my rope Cuz I’ve been looking for a place to hide (hide) and let it all blow over in the meantime will you meet me afterwards I want to know (I want to know) cuz I’ve been feeling I’m at the end of my rope
4.
You said you couldn’t sleep. You should have called me, I would tell you it’s alright and if it wasn’t I would lie to keep you on the line. Please don’t say anything you're thinking. It would only complicate things. I wait on the platform for the train to pass me by. It’s late. We’re awake and we pissed away the night. Please don’t say anything you're thinking. It would only complicate things.
5.
We drove to Maine. To see the place where she was born. In Lewiston. I’ve never felt that North before. When I hold you, I don’t feel pain. I felt the rain, as we rolled through the mountain air. This paper town, feels so much better with you near When I hold you, I don’t feel pain. Take me anywhere but here. I can’t stay here any longer. The city’s hot and full of hate this time of year. Take me anywhere but here.
6.
You drove us home and I believed you when you said that you were fine. Still I watched you, from the rearview until we hit the New York skyline. And we drank and talked shit and I was happy. Tried so desperately to hold onto the feeling, Of being young, of being sure, of being lucky. Cuz I get down and it’s so easy to feel nothing. The night closed in around us as you sang about a girl. Did you love her? It doesn’t matter because our lungs are filled with air we’ve never breathed before and it’s so fucking cold it hurts. We’ll leave it all behind us in this basement in Rhode Island. And we drank and talked shit and I was happy. Tried so desperately to hold onto the feeling, Of being young, of being sure, of being lucky. Cuz I get down and it’s so easy to feel nothing. And we drank and talked shit and I was happy. And we drank and talked shit and I was happy. And we drank and talked shit and I was happy.
7.
Speculation Never got us anywhere but here It’s hard to say what kind of mess we’ll get ourselves into next year Don’t you give me All those lines about hope We can’t spend any more time hoping Under water And you’ll spend the next few years On the water And I’ll spend the next few years Under water If you feel restless And you feel tired And you decide you wanna save a little money If you want freedom And a new thing Well I say go ahead and take it honey And you’ll spend the next few years On the water And I’ll spend the next few years Under water
8.
Never could I say we wasted time. 15 years. I watched you from afar. I made some big mistakes. I’ll explain later. You practiced long division. I called you up long distance. To tell you everything was fine. You wrote to me in French. You asked me how I was. You put it all on hotel paper. And I replied with delicate remorse I’m sorry for not being closer. You practiced long division. I called you up long distance. To tell you everything was fine. I hope wherever you end up it makes you happy. And when you’re ready come and find me I’ll be waiting. I hope wherever you end up it makes you happy. And when you’re ready come and find me I’ll be waiting To tell you everything was fine.
9.
I regret not quitting my job after college to travel around Europe. I regret that I never acknowledge what I want but what I think I should. I wish I’d written more letters, more postcards, and read more maps but I didn’t know it’s what I wanted until after it was gone But they always say that It’s what they always say. I wish I would have been a bit less awkward when I left you on the platform and that whole ride I anguished over fucking up my chance to say goodbye. I wish I wouldn’t lose myself in moments that I can’t ever take back. I know why that say that life’s too short to keep on living in nostalgia. But they always say that. It’s what they always say. I was lost for a little while, I couldn’t find my way home. You said it’s just the way it gets when you start to get old. I wrote you letters that I thought you’d never read about how My decisions didn’t seem so sound to me after a while. They always say that. It’s what they always say.
10.
Penny 02:50
I missed my train on a Friday afternoon. I was retrieving a pocket full of change for you. But I couldn’t find anything worth giving. And you couldn’t find a reason to keep on. I made my way to a warm bed. We both made our way to a bottle. But I couldn’t get the image of you from my head. I’d place a bet that you’ll never think of me again. It’s been a long, long while since any place felt like home, since anyone knew where you were since anyone was thankful. It’s been a long, long while since any place felt like home, since anyone held out their hand with anything but pennies for you.
11.
We get older. Time moves faster. You stay the same. Ooo.
12.
It’s noon but you’re still crippled by the covers. Another day alone. Because everything you love has either died or moved away. What’s the point in waking up today? You have a resume or two to pass around. But it’s been blank from 2003 until now. Except the year you spent waitressing through the breakfast shift. You quit it quick because you’re too old to be treated like shit. It’s okay to sleep away the pain of being old and tired. He calls you in the evening. You talk into the night. He’s too far away to hold you. You met him on a site you found online passing the time. And it’s been years since you’ve felt loved. You left both of your husbands because you couldn’t stand the drugs. You don’t trust enough to let someone else in. You’ve resolved to spend your life alone you won’t marry again. It’s okay to sleep away the pain of being old and tired.

about

Chumped is Drew//Dan//Doug//Anika

All songs written by Chumped

Engineered//Mix//Mastered by John Meredith at the Mollusk Studio in Ridgewood Queens

Cover photo by David Williams and Cody Sprague

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released November 18, 2014

(c) 2014 Anchorless Records

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Chumped Brooklyn, New York

We drink and write songs about feelings

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